A recent online discussion has highlighted behaviors some men avoid due to perceived associations with femininity, sparking debate about societal expectations and “toxic masculinity.” A viral thread, originating on social media, cataloged 47 activities and preferences that some men purportedly shun to maintain a hyper-masculine image, ranging from using certain emojis to drinking specific beverages.
The discussion began when a user posed the question, “What is something some men see as girly that isn’t?”, prompting a deluge of responses detailing various items and behaviors considered by some to be outside the bounds of acceptable masculinity. The list, compiled from numerous contributions, encompasses a broad spectrum of everyday activities, personal care practices, and emotional expressions. The article delves into the specifics of these 47 items and behaviors, examining the potential roots of these avoidances and their implications for both men and society.
The compiled list includes items like using certain emojis (such as the rolling eyes emoji), drinking beverages from straws, wearing pastel colors, and using specific skincare products. Activities such as going to therapy, expressing vulnerability, and enjoying traditionally feminine hobbies were also cited as examples.
This phenomenon reflects a narrow and often harmful definition of masculinity that discourages men from embracing a full range of human experiences and emotions. Experts suggest that these limitations can negatively impact men’s mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. The conversation surrounding this list aims to challenge these rigid gender norms and promote a more inclusive and accepting understanding of masculinity.
The viral nature of the discussion underscores the pervasive influence of societal expectations on men’s behavior. By examining the specific examples provided in the list, the article aims to shed light on the ways in which “toxic masculinity” manifests in everyday life and to encourage a broader dialogue about the importance of dismantling these harmful stereotypes. The article further analyzes the reasons why these perceptions persist and what steps can be taken to foster a more equitable and accepting environment for men to express themselves freely.
Detailed Examination of the 47 Items and Behaviors
The extensive list of 47 “girly” things that some men avoid provides a revealing snapshot of the constraints imposed by traditional masculinity. Each item and behavior, when examined closely, reflects a specific aspect of societal expectations and the pressures men face to conform.
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Using Certain Emojis: The perception that certain emojis, particularly those considered “cute” or overly expressive (e.g., the rolling eyes emoji, heart emojis), are deemed feminine highlights the discomfort some men have with displaying emotions openly in digital communication. This avoidance stems from the fear of appearing weak or overly emotional.
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Drinking Beverages from Straws: This seemingly innocuous act is viewed by some as detracting from a masculine image. The association likely stems from a perception that straws are associated with children’s drinks or more delicate beverages, rather than the traditionally masculine association with drinking directly from a container.
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Wearing Pastel Colors: Pastel colors are often associated with femininity, leading some men to avoid them in their clothing choices. This aversion reinforces the binary between masculine and feminine colors, limiting men’s self-expression through fashion.
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Using Specific Skincare Products: A detailed skincare routine, involving multiple products, is often considered feminine. Men who prioritize skincare may face ridicule or questioning of their masculinity, despite the practical benefits of maintaining healthy skin.
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Going to Therapy: Seeking help for mental health is often stigmatized, particularly for men who are expected to be self-reliant and emotionally stoic. The association of therapy with vulnerability and emotional expression makes it a “girly” activity in the eyes of some.
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Expressing Vulnerability: Openly displaying emotions such as sadness, fear, or insecurity is often seen as a sign of weakness, contradicting the traditional masculine ideal of strength and emotional control.
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Enjoying Traditionally Feminine Hobbies: Hobbies like knitting, baking, or floral arrangement are often relegated to the realm of feminine pursuits. Men who engage in these activities may face judgment or be perceived as less masculine.
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Asking for Directions: A reluctance to ask for directions is rooted in the masculine ideal of self-sufficiency and the avoidance of appearing lost or dependent. This behavior can lead to unnecessary stress and inconvenience.
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Crying: Suppressing tears is a common manifestation of toxic masculinity. Men are often taught from a young age that crying is a sign of weakness, leading them to bottle up their emotions.
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Talking About Feelings: Openly discussing emotions and personal experiences is often discouraged, reinforcing the idea that men should be stoic and reserved.
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Wearing “Feminine” Clothing: Items like dresses, skirts, or even certain styles of shirts are deemed unacceptable for men by those adhering to strict gender norms.
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Having Female Friends: Some men avoid close friendships with women due to concerns about appearing less masculine or facing assumptions about their sexual orientation.
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Dancing: Certain styles of dance, particularly those considered graceful or expressive, may be avoided by men who fear appearing feminine.
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Singing: Participating in activities like karaoke or singing in general can be seen as embarrassing or unmasculine if the man is perceived as overly emotional or expressive.
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Reading Romance Novels: This genre is often considered a feminine pursuit, leading men to avoid it for fear of judgment.
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Watching “Chick Flicks”: Similar to romance novels, films targeted primarily at female audiences are often avoided by men who want to maintain a masculine image.
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Using Hand Lotion: The act of moisturizing is sometimes seen as vain or overly concerned with appearance, contradicting the masculine ideal of ruggedness.
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Getting Pedicures: Foot care is often associated with femininity, leading men to avoid pedicures despite their hygienic and therapeutic benefits.
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Wearing Jewelry: Jewelry beyond a simple watch or wedding band is often considered feminine, limiting men’s self-expression through accessories.
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Using Bath Bombs: These scented and colorful bath products are typically marketed towards women, making them a “girly” item in the eyes of some men.
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Ordering Fruity Drinks: Alcoholic beverages with sweet or fruity flavors are often considered less masculine than stronger or more traditional drinks.
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Decorating with Flowers: Floral arrangements are typically associated with femininity, leading men to avoid incorporating them into their living spaces.
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Using Scented Candles: The association of scented candles with relaxation and home décor makes them a “girly” item in the eyes of some.
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Having a “Girly” Ringtone: Choosing a ringtone that is considered cute or feminine may be avoided for fear of judgment.
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Carrying a Purse or “Man Bag”: Bags designed to carry personal items are often stigmatized, with men expected to carry everything in their pockets.
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Wearing Pink: Despite its increasing acceptance in mainstream fashion, pink is still often associated with femininity.
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Caring About Fashion: Having an interest in clothing and personal style is sometimes seen as vain or overly concerned with appearance.
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Enjoying Musicals: Musicals are often considered a feminine form of entertainment, leading men to avoid them for fear of judgment.
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Attending a Spa: Relaxation and pampering are often associated with femininity, making spas a “girly” activity in the eyes of some.
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Having Long Hair: While long hair is becoming more common among men, it is still sometimes associated with femininity.
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Being a Stay-at-Home Dad: Challenging traditional gender roles by being the primary caregiver can lead to questioning of a man’s masculinity.
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Being a Nurse: The nursing profession is still predominantly female, leading to assumptions about a man’s masculinity if he chooses this career path.
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Teaching Elementary School: Similar to nursing, elementary school teaching is often seen as a feminine profession.
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Cooking and Baking Elaborate Meals: Preparing elaborate meals is sometimes seen as a feminine task, particularly if it involves intricate recipes or decorative presentation.
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Enjoying Reality TV Shows: Certain reality TV genres, particularly those focused on relationships or fashion, are often considered feminine.
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Gossiping: Engaging in casual conversation about other people’s lives is often seen as a feminine activity.
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Taking Selfies: While selfies are popular among both men and women, some men avoid taking them for fear of appearing narcissistic or vain.
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Using Social Media Filters: Enhancing photos with filters is often considered a feminine practice.
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Having a “Cute” Pet: Owning pets like small, fluffy dogs or cats is sometimes seen as less masculine than owning larger or more traditionally “masculine” animals.
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Enjoying Bubble Baths: Relaxing in a bubble bath is often associated with femininity.
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Using a Face Mask: Skincare practices like using face masks are often considered feminine.
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Having a Clean and Organized Home: Maintaining a tidy and well-decorated living space is sometimes seen as a feminine trait.
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Remembering Important Dates: Being attentive to birthdays, anniversaries, and other important dates is sometimes perceived as overly sentimental or feminine.
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Being Empathetic: Displaying empathy and understanding towards others is sometimes seen as a sign of weakness.
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Volunteering: Engaging in charitable activities is sometimes seen as less masculine than pursuing career success or personal achievements.
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Using a Planner or Journal: Organizing one’s life with a planner or journal is sometimes considered a feminine practice.
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Caring About Home Décor: Having an interest in interior design and creating a comfortable living space is often seen as a feminine trait.
The Roots of These Avoidances
The behaviors listed above are not inherently feminine, but rather become associated with femininity through societal conditioning and the perpetuation of rigid gender roles. Several factors contribute to this phenomenon:
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Traditional Gender Roles: Historically, societies have assigned specific roles and expectations to men and women. Men were typically expected to be strong, independent, and emotionally reserved, while women were expected to be nurturing, emotional, and focused on domesticity. These traditional roles continue to influence perceptions of masculinity and femininity.
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Fear of Social Stigma: Men who deviate from these traditional roles often face ridicule, judgment, or even ostracism from their peers. The fear of being perceived as less masculine or being labeled as “gay” can deter men from engaging in activities or expressing themselves in ways that are considered outside the norm.
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Internalized Homophobia: Some men may internalize negative attitudes towards homosexuality and actively avoid anything that could be perceived as gay or effeminate. This internalized homophobia can manifest in the avoidance of certain behaviors, clothing styles, or hobbies.
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Media Representation: The media often reinforces traditional gender roles by portraying men and women in stereotypical ways. This can perpetuate the idea that certain activities and interests are inherently masculine or feminine.
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Peer Pressure: From a young age, boys are often pressured by their peers to conform to masculine ideals. This can lead to the suppression of emotions, the avoidance of certain activities, and the adoption of behaviors that are considered “manly.”
The Implications of Toxic Masculinity
The pressure to conform to rigid masculine ideals can have several negative consequences for men, including:
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Mental Health Issues: Suppressing emotions and avoiding vulnerability can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and depression. Men who are unable to express their feelings openly may be more likely to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse.
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Relationship Problems: The inability to communicate effectively and express emotions can strain relationships with partners, family members, and friends. Men who are emotionally unavailable may struggle to form deep and meaningful connections.
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Violence and Aggression: The emphasis on dominance and aggression can contribute to violent behavior and the perpetuation of harmful stereotypes about masculinity. Men who feel pressured to prove their strength may be more likely to engage in physical or verbal abuse.
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Limited Self-Expression: The fear of judgment can prevent men from exploring their interests and expressing themselves authentically. This can lead to a sense of unfulfillment and a lack of personal growth.
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Physical Health Issues: The stress and anxiety associated with suppressing emotions can contribute to physical health problems, such as heart disease and high blood pressure. Men who prioritize work over self-care may also neglect their physical health.
Challenging Toxic Masculinity and Promoting Healthy Masculinity
Challenging toxic masculinity requires a multifaceted approach that involves individuals, communities, and institutions. Some strategies include:
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Promoting Open Dialogue: Creating safe spaces for men to discuss their feelings and experiences can help to break down the stigma surrounding mental health and emotional vulnerability.
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Challenging Gender Stereotypes: Actively challenging traditional gender roles and promoting more inclusive representations of masculinity in the media can help to broaden societal perceptions of what it means to be a man.
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Encouraging Emotional Expression: Teaching boys and men that it is okay to express their emotions openly and honestly can help to reduce the pressure to suppress feelings.
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Promoting Healthy Relationships: Encouraging men to build strong and supportive relationships with partners, family members, and friends can provide them with a sense of belonging and emotional support.
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Educating About Consent and Respect: Teaching boys and men about consent, respect, and healthy relationships can help to prevent violence and promote gender equality.
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Role Modeling Healthy Masculinity: Men who embody healthy masculine traits, such as empathy, vulnerability, and respect, can serve as role models for others.
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Supporting Mental Health Resources: Providing access to affordable and accessible mental health services can help men to address their emotional needs and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
By dismantling harmful stereotypes and promoting a more inclusive and accepting understanding of masculinity, societies can create a more equitable and fulfilling environment for men and women alike. The conversation sparked by this list of 47 “girly” things serves as a valuable starting point for this ongoing process.
The Role of Social Media in Shaping Perceptions
Social media platforms play a significant role in both perpetuating and challenging traditional gender roles. While social media can be a breeding ground for toxic masculinity, it can also be a powerful tool for promoting positive change.
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Amplifying Stereotypes: Social media algorithms can reinforce existing biases by showing users content that aligns with their pre-existing beliefs. This can lead to the creation of echo chambers where harmful stereotypes about masculinity are amplified.
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Promoting Comparison and Competition: Social media encourages users to compare themselves to others, which can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. Men may feel pressured to project an image of strength, success, and dominance on social media, even if it is not authentic.
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Providing a Platform for Dialogue: Social media can also be a platform for open dialogue and discussion about gender roles. Hashtags like #ToxicMasculinity and #HealthyMasculinity have been used to raise awareness about the harmful effects of traditional masculinity and to promote more inclusive and accepting understandings of what it means to be a man.
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Creating Online Communities: Social media has facilitated the creation of online communities where men can connect with others who share their experiences and values. These communities can provide support, encouragement, and a sense of belonging.
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Challenging Traditional Norms: Social media can be used to challenge traditional gender norms by showcasing men who are breaking stereotypes and embracing a wider range of identities and expressions.
Conclusion
The list of 47 “girly” things that some men avoid offers a stark reminder of the constraints imposed by toxic masculinity. These avoidances, rooted in societal expectations and the fear of judgment, can have detrimental effects on men’s mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. By challenging these rigid gender norms and promoting a more inclusive and accepting understanding of masculinity, societies can create a more equitable and fulfilling environment for all. The ongoing conversation about toxic masculinity, fueled by social media and other platforms, represents a critical step towards dismantling these harmful stereotypes and empowering men to embrace their full humanity. The discussion needs to continue, promoting open dialogue, challenging ingrained stereotypes, and championing a healthier, more inclusive vision of masculinity that benefits everyone.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
1. What is “toxic masculinity”?
Toxic masculinity refers to a narrow and harmful set of beliefs and behaviors often associated with traditional masculine ideals. It emphasizes dominance, emotional repression, aggression, and self-reliance to an extreme degree. These traits, when taken to an unhealthy level, can negatively impact men’s mental health, relationships, and overall well-being, and can contribute to harmful behaviors towards women and other men. It’s not about masculinity itself being toxic, but rather specific, harmful expressions of it.
2. What are some examples of toxic masculinity in everyday life?
Examples include: suppressing emotions and avoiding vulnerability; feeling pressured to be the “breadwinner” and prioritize work over family; engaging in risky or aggressive behavior to prove one’s strength; refusing to ask for help or directions; using derogatory language towards women or other marginalized groups; and believing that men should always be in control and never show weakness. The 47 items and behaviors detailed in the original article all represent instances of actions men avoid to adhere to this constructed ideal.
3. How does toxic masculinity affect men’s mental health?
The pressure to conform to toxic masculine norms can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and depression. Suppressing emotions and avoiding vulnerability can make it difficult for men to seek help for mental health issues, leading to a higher risk of suicide and substance abuse. The need to constantly prove one’s strength and dominance can also create feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. “Men who are unable to express their feelings openly may be more likely to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse.”
4. How can we challenge and overcome toxic masculinity?
Challenging toxic masculinity requires a multi-pronged approach. It involves promoting open dialogue about gender roles, challenging gender stereotypes in the media and society, encouraging emotional expression among men, promoting healthy relationships based on equality and respect, educating about consent and bystander intervention, and supporting mental health resources for men. Role modeling healthy masculinity, by demonstrating empathy, vulnerability, and respect, is also crucial.
5. Is it wrong to be masculine?
No. Masculinity itself is not inherently toxic. It is the extreme and harmful expressions of certain masculine traits that are problematic. Healthy masculinity involves embracing positive qualities such as strength, courage, and leadership, while also valuing emotional intelligence, empathy, and respect for others. It’s about finding a balance and rejecting the harmful aspects of traditional masculine ideals. Healthy masculinity promotes “empathy, vulnerability, and respect” as examples.
